Thursday, May 26, 2011

Eff you Arthritis!

hello my friends.  Sorry it has been so long.  I have missed you but my voice went missing for sometime.  Its weird how that happens isn't it?   I mean I love to write and I have all these things to share but it was like I had laryngitis of the mind.  Alas Vingnation's heart and soul took a break, rejigged, healed the laryngitis and here we are.  I am coming back and I am coming back with a vengeance of sorts.

I love to run.  Running makes my heart smile and my soul sing.  But you all know this through and through.
Unfortunately, I have encountered an obstacle as of late.  An obstacle that angers and annoys me.  At first I was broken hearted and crushed.  I cried--I mean wailed like a big fat baby and in truth I allowed myself to do so.  I felt sorry for myself for an instant and I allowed it.  Hell I believed I was owed it.  Months back I pulled my adductor and my amazingly smart and proactive sports doc sent me for an mri just in case.  So I planned to go like a good little athlete.  It took weeks to get in and in that time the pain in my adductor dissipated and I was running pain free and normal as per before.  In my mind I thought, this MRI is useless, there is no need but I went because I am trying to follow orders and instructions by those more qualified then I.
The day before receiving my results I ran the sporting life 10K.  Where in Vingnation I kicked SERIOUS ass.  I ran a Personal Best of 42 mins and 59 seconds, placing well and feeling amazing.  Cockiness prevailed.  What will these MRI results reveal?  A big fat nothing I shouted in my mind.  I just kicked ass, I just killed it sans pain... in your face MRI results.  The next morning I was shocked beyond belief..what did these results uncover...they uncovered arthritis in my left hip along with lateral tears in my cartilage.  The perplexity and confusion hit  both me and my doc like a ton of bricks. he must have asked me 3 times, so you ran a PB yesterday but are sensing no pain.  3 times I replied nope.  I caught a glimpse of hope in his eyes as I bit my cheeks in hopes of not showing any weakness via tears.  With perplexion the doctor explained how I had the hip of a 50 year old woman and if I were in fact 50 years old he would be telling me to find a new sport.  My teeth dug deeper into my cheeks while I repeated DO. NOT. CRY. VINGS in my head.  In conclusion of our appointment My sports doc told me to keep doing what I am doing BUT that I would need to monitor my pain and my body more closely.  That if I did feel pain I would need to stop immediately.  He reminded me no one else knows how or what I am feeling. We scheduled another appointment to check in in July as that is when I will begin increasing my mileage for my marathon training.

The whole walk back through the financial district I cried and wailed and ranted.  This is not fair.  Life is not fair.  I am a runner..why am I being punished.  I started to play the what if I didn't game....I wallowed in self pity and allowed my self to grieve.  That night as I fell into sleep I fretted.  BUT upon waking the next morning I had a new sunny disposition...I hopped out of bed and looked in the mirror and confidently said:  "HEY ARTHRITIS, efffff you"  I then thought I am going to use this as motivation.  This arthritis ain't getting the vings way!  I am going to get stronger and work harder so it cannot.  so it won't.
Alas, it sucks BUT I promise you I will not allow it to get me down or draw me out.   I assure you I will keep doing what I am doing but better and with more motivation.  I looped in my amazing coach along with an awesome specialist whom are all on board to help me run strong and with little pain as possible.  I have encountered yet another obstacle and that is whether I can run the NY marathon which I qualified for and have been accepted into.  This decision will be based on being pain free come July.  did this obstacle bring me to tears? of course.  I balled yet again with the force of a child after skinning her knee. I want to run the NY marathon so badly.  I was presented with the following ultimatum:  Run the New York Marathon and never run again OR don't run it and run forever!  WHAT?  I cried not because I may not be able to run the marathon But I cried because I HAD to make this decision.
So here we are at the end of May.  I have had one day where I had to STOP running due to pain.  I am DETERMINED to stay pain free.  With the help of my AMAZING coach, my amazing doc, pure awesome specialists and my positive running buddies I know I can do this.  I will do this.  Hell I was born to do this!  Hey Arthritis... Eff you and Catch me if you can!!
V. xo

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