To the left is a photograph of my seven wishes for 2012. This cross and its charms is called a milagro. To make a wish come true I tapped the charms into the wood. Each charm is a wish. once you fill the cross with charms, its filled with luck by me!
I have documented my wishes as to not forget what I have hoped for this coming year. Its was exciting hammering in those charms. I am so excited for 2012! weeeee!
Every time we get closer to a new year, I wish so much that I had sat down and written out my highs and lows for each month of the past year. Perhaps this year is the year that I finally do!! I think it would be so amazing to recount the good times and the times I have learned from. 2011 was yet another epic year with amazing accomplishments, amazing moments and amazing people. There were some disappointments peppered in there but none with out some learning! As I have said before, there are no rainbows without any rain, my friends.
When I look back on 2011 I think of the following... Nosara,Costa Rica: where in someways I found my heart again and I learned to surf..finally!!, The New York Marathon: where I showed'em docs whom told me I may never be able to run a marathon again because of my hip..Boom., Jasper Bennett George: Ash and Matt's little rascal who joined us in October, Jen & Joel: Two of my oldest and goldest tyin' the knot, TAXI: where I love to work because of the culture and the peeps I get to work with and for appreciating my work and my attitude, The Weldrick and The Runway: the coach of all coaches and my running family whom in some way or another make me smile every single day, New & Old friends: for always loving and supporting me no matter my antics. As my dad said to me the other day when I asked if he still loved me after I had been on the annoying side. He sighed and said of course but sometimes you make it difficult. haha. My family: for reminding me where I get my determination and positive outlook from.
2011 wasn't all sunshine and lollypops, I have watched people close to me hurt and struggle with all of their might. I had a couple melt downs myself and a few upside down days but I need to give thanks to those moments for teaching me how strong I am and for reminding me that I am alive. peaks and valleys, my friends.
As I sit and reminisce on the year that was I get a tear in my eye. Thanks for the laughs and the loves and the golden memories...now come on 2012, Lets effing do this mutha effers! Boom.
If I should have a daughter, instead of "Mom," she's gonna call me "Point B," because that way she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I'm going to paint solar systems on the backs of her hands so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say, "Oh, I know that like the back of my hand." And she's going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by Band-Aids or poetry. So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming, I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I've tried. "And, baby," I'll tell her, don't keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick; I've done it a million times. You're just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house, so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place, to see if you can change him." But I know she will anyway, so instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby, because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix. Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix. But that's what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything, if you let it. I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass-bottom boat, to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind, because that's the way my mom taught me. That there'll be days like this. ♫ There'll be days like this, my momma said. ♫ When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises; when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape; when your boots will fill with rain, and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment. And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you. Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away. You will put the wind in winsome, lose some. You will put the star in starting over, and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting, I am pretty damn naive. But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily, but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. "Baby," I'll tell her, "remember, your momma is a worrier, and your poppa is a warrior, and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more." Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things. And always apologize when you've done something wrong, but don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing. And when they finally hand you heartache, when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street-corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.
This is written by Sarah Kay. Beautiful isn't it? Left me with a full heart and a tear in my eye. V. xo
Fourteen years ago tmos the world lost one in a billion. He lit up the room with his larger then life personality and loved so hard right down til his last goodbye. I hate this day more then any other day in the year and you know me, I rarely use the word hate, in fact I actually hate the word hate. As this day approaches my heart grows heavy and head spins with pain. I miss him everyday and without a doubt I will for the rest of my life moving forward. I can close my eyes and be right back...holding hands tight. driving down twisty, turvy roads. singing our hearts out. the smell of pine air freshners in the tip of my nose. laughing so hard at nothing and everything. The moments are so close yet so fricking far away. Jason, you are in my heart forevermore. You shall never be forgotten. Thank you for everything you were and everything you still are. Its so hard to believe you are literally one breath away. With love to you always and forever...
Today I went racin' and it felt good. Like real good. It was a small race out in hammertown. 8 clicks. out and back. No fancy shirts and no fancy finishers medals. 5 of us from the Runway went out together, warmed up, hit the startline together. orange power strolled in and everyone took notice.
The weather was perf. cloudy, light wind, and warm enough to wear shorts and singlets sans arm warmers. We gathered on the startline and boom we were off. Today I did a few things differently.
1. I raced for the first time sans my garmin. I pulled out the new timex. As per usual The coach was right. It changed everything. I spent NO time distracted by my pace, fretting over going too fast or going too slow. I ran by feel. unfortunately I went out too fast. I clocked my first click around 4:10. oops. I tried to pull it back but not so sure it happened. ha.
2. I raced in both compression socks for the first time. Perhaps it was mental but my legs felt fresher then fresh, I had more pep and bounce in my step. Afterwards I stated well I be running with those from now on. Better find me some orange ones.
3. I ran with a clear head. I somehow channeled my nervous energy. I know I know it was a small race with not a whole lotta pressure but it was good practice. i did not make nervous chit chat at the start. I took my position, did my usual hug, kiss, ear rub and jump routine and focussed straight ahead.
4. For the first time in a long time I felt like a real live athlete. I felt fit and strong. And well I know thats not really changing anything it helped bring the old confidence back. My level of fitness right now is kinda crazy to me. I mean I just ran a marathon 20 days ago and to go out and run hard was amazing. there has gots to me something to be said for that.
I am learning that in these short distances, it really is about strategy and planning. You need to think through each km because you do not have the time to lose, literally. Today i had to remind myself a few times that it was me against the clock and nothing more. When I saw the timex hit 33 mins on the ole watch, I knew I had to dig and pour it on to make my 35 mins goal. Strategically, I should have been smarter and started a little slower but now I know this for next time. one of my running buddies told me awhile back in training when we do mile repeats and such that think of the repeats like gears of a car. Each mile you gear up and go faster and faster so your last is your fastest and strongest. I need to bring this train of thought to my short distance racing. All in time, my friends.
All in all today was wicked. I won my agegroup, was 5th overall (which I am still a bit confused about, as I only counted 2 women ahead of me!? but alas, registration does not lie, right?) and I ran a PB of 35:28. I am thrilled. First time I have EVER won my agegroup. pretty cool right?? Team Runway killed it! The coach won men overall and Gilly won the womens top spot. Carolyn Hicks placed in her agegroup and ran a killer PB while Jeff Smith was 2nd in his agegroup. A great day for all. Pretty proud to be part of the Killer run club The Runway and feel lucky to have a coach who never seems to be bothered by never ending questions or queries and whom never seems to stop believin' in me. Awesome, right?
Time for a bubble bath and some white wine...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt
So the New York Marathon is done and done. It was a killer experience all and all but I would be lying to y'all if I did not tell you I am and was a bit disappointed with my results. I know I know, the whole woah is me routine is lamer then lame and my blog is a space of optimism, sunshine and all that. BUT I am human and I pinky this will not be negative, just honest.
I work hard. Like real hard. I follow my running regime to the T. I follow a strict training regime and listen dutifully to my coach. My weeks are filled with 7-8 work outs and I run 50-70 miles. The past 6 months has seen me battle with obnixious injuries--some quad issues, some shin and calf issues and a big fat cluster eff in the ole right hip. I pushed through all of them. I ignored them as best I could and tried to keep my anxiety at bay.
Fast forward to last weekend...Nov. 5th. We were in NYC. I was feeling effing amazing. My legs had not felt that fresh in I cannot remember the last time. I was nervous but not overly. Nov. 6th, The morning of the race, everything went as planned. Although my tummy was a mess of knots and I did have some gastro issues--alas nothing I need to share here! We gots a little panicked from the ferry to the bus but it was all nerves. The weather was perfect. On the start line, my tummy felt empty. But there was nothing I could do about that now. I set those thoughts aside, hugged myself as always, kissed my biceps, rubbed my ear lobes and jumped three times (been doing this since I was a child as a competitive swimmer). And we were off. My first 16 miles felt good. I was a little slower then pace but I was really hoping to run a negative split so I was confident. The Queenboro bridge was effing tough. Quite an incline and with little decline for recovery. The side/head wind gots you good. But I tried to keep smiling and enjoy every second. From here on out, I had to push hard. At mile 20, I lost the feeling in my feet. from my toes up to my ankles. It was odd and disconcerting. Frightful thoughts raced through my head: do I stop? do I not finish? fortunately or maybe unfortunately, this is never an option for me. you finish what you start. so I kept trucking. My pace band had fallen out of my pocket some time ago but I knew I needed 8 mins miles. I could not keep'em consistent so I turned the face of my garmin away from me, put my head down and decided to just get'er done. I knew my goal time was already out of reach but I could not focus on this. I promised myself that what ever happened I would not be disappointed with my results because I did everything I possibly could to be ready for NY AND the fact that 6 mos ago all my sports health care providers told me the marathon was a far fetched dream that may not happen. well, I showed them didn't I? But the truth of the matter is, I am a tad disappointed by my time because I did do everything I possibly could to prepare. I made new choices like giving up certain things and missing out on certain things and although I would not change this for anything I still wonder why my body couldn't do it!! Am I proud of myself for rocking it best I could? hells yes but I want that PB more then you know. The fire is burning hotter then ever before. After the race, I was buzzed with emotional energy--positive. First person I called was my coach. I could hear the pride in his voice which made my heart smile. After it all set in a bit, I began reasoning with myself. Maybe my 3:29 at Mississauga was a total fluke. Gilly reassured me that running does not work that way. There are no flukes. She reminded me what I said a million times, sometimes its your day and sometimes its not. I made NYC my day but just did not get the time I was hoping for. Disappointment only brings a harder work ethic over here. 5 mins after the race I was like I am done with marathons. 6 hours later I was like well, maybe one more!? haha. I am going to take the next season to work on my short distances. Get the speed up. some goals I through out there to the coach were a fast half-hopefully a sub 1:35 with some pacing help and I would really like to try a tri in the summer.
As in every life situation, we learn. Every marathon I run, I learn more about who I am and what I am about. I am one determined chick. I do not give up easily.
The one thing that has been shocking to me, and in away disappointing, 2 days post race my legs felt fine. Like go for a run, no stiffness or sorenes fine. It goes to show you that a. I am in fricking great shape. and b. (grrrrr) maybe I did not push hard enough Sunday. I have enjoyed two short runs this week where I have felt light and fresh. I have one more week of chilltown then its back at it.
In conclusion, as promised, no negativity here. no siree bob. but honesty..yes ma'am. I love running. I love everything about it and I am going to keep working hard and get me some pb's. New York Marathon-I heart you. The experience was one of a lifetime. I will be recounting the moments within the experience for many days to come.
now, its back at it. off to get my ass kicked by the coach and I cannot wait.
I just wanted to write you a short note to let you know where I am at and where I am coming from...
I started training for you awhiles back. It was a tumultuous time for me as I had just been diagnosed with arthritis in my right hip along with some cartilidge tearing. My doctors and coach told me that there may be a chance I could not partake in you. Hearing such words were heartbreaking. I know lame when you think about it but hopes are hopes. I was disillusioned and irritated but then a switch went off in my head and my internal sunshine took over. I was going to do this. I was going to run you--hells or high waters I was gunning for you. I was making'er happen. July 20th was D-day. That was the day I was seeing my physiotherapist and I was going back to my sports doc to see where I was at, but more like where the ole hip was at. My physio gave me the a-ok as long as my doc was on board. I was confident I would hear the words I wanted to hear. I stepped inside his office and he greeted me with the hug he always greets me with. We chatted a little. I explained how minimal the pain had been that I had been experiencing some calf pain but was training through it with the help of my compression socks and some physio treatment. After some more chatting, he smiled and gave me the go ahead followed by--go kick some ass, Sarah. I was beaming. yet again I left his office with tears in my eyes...but this time the best possible kind.
I pushed hard this summer. I had to do some long runs on the eliptical and do some training in the pool but as of August I was making all my long runs and if I hadn't slipped on a banana feel late Sept my left quad would have been just fine (don't even ask, a story for another time).
NYCM, I have been going that extra mile in anyway I can. I have been doing one more push up just for you, holding plank for 30 more seconds because of you, eating and hydrating always with you on my mind, running that extra mile, that extra loop, that extra minute all for you. I go to sleep thinking about you and I wake up conjuring you. I ran a half marathon race all in your name and did not try to push too hard but did just as I was told--ALL FOR YOU.
On Thursday eve I am getting on a flight and I am coming for you. I am ready to own you. I have three substantial goals for you and I am confident you and I are going to get along great on Sunday AM. I have a lot of love you, dear NYCM. You have made me realize even more about who I am and the determination I posses. In away I feel as though we have been dating, you and I. We have made it to all three bases and on Sunday, get ready for it, we are going all the way.
For six months, at perfect eye level on my bulletin board in front of my desk has read :
"3:23 NYC. NOV 2011. DO IT."
Before running Boston I was scared. scared fucking shitless. The thoughts racing through my head were can I actually do this? am I actually ready for this? NYCM, right now the thoughts running through my head are so very different they are more like hells ya I can do this. I am not scared at all or frightened in the least. I feel well prepared and fitter then I have ever felt. I know anything can happen on race day but in my heart of hearts I know I have done everything in my power to be ready for you. NYCM, pls have the wind at my back and carry me along with the best intentions. work with me not against me and I promise you, it will all be worth your while in the end. I look forward to our encounter on early Sunday morning...I promise to be my best self. Thank you for all of you have given me thus far....Now, Lets do some racin'! Catch you at the start line, new friend.
Do you loves new music? The vings does. WE ARE HUNTED-The online music chart will rock you daily with 99 of the new up and coming artists and tracks. Check it yos. wearehunted.com We are hunted listens to what peeps are saying about artists and their music on blogs, social networks like the 'book, Twitter and P2P networks. It is the best place for music fans to discover new music.
yesterday I partook in the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon for the first time ever--I ran the half as a tuner. I was pleasantly surprised by the cool weather and no rain, some peeps complained about the wind but it did not seem to bother me, the amazingly supportive crowds, the inspiring elites--the canadians from guelph will represent us well at the olympics, all of those in the runway killing it with orange power and myself for running a bit slower then marathon race pace and enjoying every moment with no internal battle of feeling so good and trying to push it. With New York looming, I kept on target and felt as though I could do the half again--which all in all was the plan. I went out slower then I wanted but yesterdays time would bring me in at a 3:30 which at the end of the day I would be quite pleased with. Had a great chat with the ole coach yesterday and considering everything this ole body of mine has endured--the weird ass injuries, the arthritis and cartilidge tears a 3:30 or under marathon would be an effing phenomenal finish.
yesterday really helped shake off my awful 36Ker and has got me in the most amazingly positive headspace. New york is merely 20 sleeps away and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind I can do this and rock it. I have the strength, endurance and mental capacity to get'er done with true grace, with my head held high and a smile plastered on my ole lips. its gonna be magical, yos!
My HIGHS from yesterday:
Watching Reid Coolseat rock it with the kenyans. I was so inspired it brought me to tears.
Seeing Eric Gillis not far behind on his road to making the olympic team to rep Canada in London 2012.
Seeing the 100 year old dude from India with his entourage. He was not moving all that fast but in my world he was rocking it.
wearing my new lululemon running tights that Lulu gave me to try out--THEY ROCKED.
Megs Cheese out on the course with a big bright orange sign that read GO VINGS. It made me cry.
Seeing Toronto TRULY embrace a marathon. It was spectacular.
My new mantra: POWER STRENGTH RHYTHM.
My new pre race dance party song-GIRL TALK-Oh No: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bMM7tGV9MI&feature=related
not listening to music and not even noticing!
My coach responding to a post on my facebook wall asking how I did, he wrote she did amazing. That in itself was one for the memory books.
The Runway crew CRUSHING Toronto and throwing orange power in everyones face. Booya.
My friend Barefoot Wisdom KILLING his first half--1:32. Atta boy Jess!
My LOWS from Yesterday:
The baggage check retrieval. It was disastrous and awful and almost ruined the experience but alas my bag was found so no comments or explanation necessary. That is all. I will not allow it to tarnish an awesome day.
Thanks to all those in my life who continue to inspire and motivate me but more importantly support me. I love to run so much and to push myself and you all help me get out there and do the best I can do. Love you yos.
Watch out NYCM, here I come...Orange Pow Pow and all! Booya.
It is the total bomb, yos. While out running in the dark you are completely visible to all cars. Once light hits you...boom there you are. Its warm, sleek, comfortable. Oh and did I mention NIKE gave me one? yep. I am one proud owner and there is proof (see to above)...thats me jumping for joy in my new gear!
To find out more info and how to purchase go to NIKE VAPOR JACKET .
So I finally hit it this past weekend. Now I get it. I finally understand what all the fuss is about.
On Sunday morning I rose, ate my regular breaky while streaming the Chicago marathon in bed, up north, at the frac. Watching the marathon live had me more motivated then I had been in ages and I was ready to hit the road for a killer 36Ker. My longest training run pre NY.
I have been feeling good. My speed and hill work outs have been amazing. Every week I see personal improvements via time and mental state while pushing myself hard. My left quad has been a tad stiff but once warmed up I don't even notice it. All my long runs til this point had been killer leaving me tired but invigorated.
So alas I wasn't worried Sunday. Not worried one teensy tiny little bit. I hit the road around 10:30am. I was going out south portage road to Hwy 60 towards Huntsville and then back. First few miles I realized I was in for a hilly ride. The getaway sticks were cruisin' and I was at ease, hammering it out. At 11.5 miles I slowed down and refueled at the Marina before turning around. I felt thirsty, which I know is never a good sign. I said my hellos to the marina peeps and set out back on my way. At this point I realized something was not right. I slowed shook my legs and kept trucking. But still something was not right. I could not focus, my head was all over the place-mentally and physically. This is when it started to sink in...I could not run anymore. I was done. I hit the wall. gulp. My shoulders and neck tensed up and I felt so unlike myself I felt ill. I stopped and burst into tears. What the hell was going on?? I mean I was not hangover, I was well rested, I was well fueled and hydrated enough-or so I thought. There was no explanation for this really. I felt defeated and like a big ole disaster. I picked up my iphone and dialed my dad. He shot out from the cottage and grabbed me along the highway.
Once I stepped into my rents trucks and sat down, my head fell to my knees and I cried like I had not cried in sometime. My dad gave me my moment. Then spoke up and reminded me that I am only human and that a run like that is bound to happen once in awhile. Its true and I get that but it was still so effing frustrating and kind of embarrassing. I just don't do that, ya know. I set out to do something and I do it. I don't quit. Ever. We stopped for Gatorade and then I cried some more. I texted my coach whom in the nicest way possible told me to suck it up. Words I needed to hear, especially from him. His message ended with I am sorry but better now then in NY. Gilly my RBFF (running Bff) told me not to sweat it, shake it off and tmos is a new day. Also words I needed to hear. So I did. Or I have tried to.
I ended up going for a nice hard 10-15Ker last night--and it was a great one. The kind that reminded me why I love to run. Thank goodness the Running gods were on my side so it was easy to get back on the horse. But this morning I woke up feeling a bit blah. I could not put my finger on why exactly and then I realized upon my departure from the office this eve it was that damn run. It pinched my spirit a little and stole a little bit of my positive energy-for a second. Tmo is a new day and I am determined to wake up with Sundays run far far from my memory and left up north with the thanksgiving turkey carcass where it belongs. But friends, I had to wallow in it a little, understand it, learn from it and walk away from it. So this is what I shall do. I don't really understand it but I did learn that I gots to keep taking care of this hard working body of mine. I am going to be very concious of my food intake and make sure I am fueled up properly. I hydrate like a mo fo but will continue to keep track of this too. I also learned that I am not perfect and even sometimes the ole getaway sticks can have enough! And i am thanking the running gods for getting this out of my system before New York.
So friends, another thing to check off the whole running list...I hit the wall and lived to tell about it. Now its on to bigger and better...
With only 26 sleeps til New york and the SBWM half this weekend at marathon race pace, I need to get the ole head back into the game, shake it off and keep hammering it forward in true vingnation style.
After the sun sets in Toronto on October 1, a different light will rise. The Vapor Flash Run Pack, 30 strong, will take to the streets. This eve I will be participating in Nuit Blanche with Nike. Check it out and look for me out in the streets ce soir. Cannot wait! V.
And I am sorry for that. Somewhere out there the words got lost. Maybe in my heart or maybe out there in the world. But so lost I could hardly find them or even hear them. Then tonight after returning home after a long 2 days something sparked my heart. I read a post, don't laugh outloud, on facebook, that reminded me of those words, those truths. That life is so sacred and so short. That laughter and people can make everything better in the blink of an eye. Alas enough with the deep thoughts by vings. I must share. I don't know the writer or person behind these thoughts nor do I need to but I know one thing and that is they are true. Please read. Afterwards take a step back and be reminded how simple it all truly is and take a moment to remember this life is yours and what you choose and friends, there is always so much more...
There is much more to life than what you can see before you at this moment; there’s much more than what you can store in your memory, and more to it than any dictionary can define or what google can spit at you. The world keeps spinning but you might feel as though you’re standing still. There is a dimension that you can't see, touch, or feel.
In that dimension your heart is your compass and sparks of electricity are flying all around you. North is not always pointing the same way, you communicate with signals that can't be seen, but instead, are felt. You live through energy shocks that run through your soul. You feel things, what humans call, happy, sad, angry and in love!
Some of us live in that world, embracing it and enjoying every pebble of shock that runs through our human bodies. These people are out there looking for it, hunting for it and crossing the lands to feel it. Just like the northern lights zipping through pitch black skies, the energy moves through our bodies, exciting our souls.
This energy is the beauty of life; it knows no beginning or end, it has no weight or value, it has no face or shape, but it lives within your heart! It moves in and out leaving you in love with rays of sun, wide-open skies and thin air. It keeps you humble and always smiling. It tucks you in at night and wakes you up in the morning. It snatches the words out of your mouth as you stand on top of a mountain; listening to the sound of a cool breeze zipping through the lush valley below.
This energy is what keeps me living, learning and loving. It keeps me gazing up at the rich blue skies of day and the brilliant starry skies at night...
Poetry and music are only a scratch on the surface, trying to make senesce of it. Pictures and paintings are only what humans believe to represent it, and I am only a person trying to live it!
hello my friends. Sorry it has been so long. I have missed you but my voice went missing for sometime. Its weird how that happens isn't it? I mean I love to write and I have all these things to share but it was like I had laryngitis of the mind. Alas Vingnation's heart and soul took a break, rejigged, healed the laryngitis and here we are. I am coming back and I am coming back with a vengeance of sorts.
I love to run. Running makes my heart smile and my soul sing. But you all know this through and through. Unfortunately, I have encountered an obstacle as of late. An obstacle that angers and annoys me. At first I was broken hearted and crushed. I cried--I mean wailed like a big fat baby and in truth I allowed myself to do so. I felt sorry for myself for an instant and I allowed it. Hell I believed I was owed it. Months back I pulled my adductor and my amazingly smart and proactive sports doc sent me for an mri just in case. So I planned to go like a good little athlete. It took weeks to get in and in that time the pain in my adductor dissipated and I was running pain free and normal as per before. In my mind I thought, this MRI is useless, there is no need but I went because I am trying to follow orders and instructions by those more qualified then I.
The day before receiving my results I ran the sporting life 10K. Where in Vingnation I kicked SERIOUS ass. I ran a Personal Best of 42 mins and 59 seconds, placing well and feeling amazing. Cockiness prevailed. What will these MRI results reveal? A big fat nothing I shouted in my mind. I just kicked ass, I just killed it sans pain... in your face MRI results. The next morning I was shocked beyond belief..what did these results uncover...they uncovered arthritis in my left hip along with lateral tears in my cartilage. The perplexity and confusion hit both me and my doc like a ton of bricks. he must have asked me 3 times, so you ran a PB yesterday but are sensing no pain. 3 times I replied nope. I caught a glimpse of hope in his eyes as I bit my cheeks in hopes of not showing any weakness via tears. With perplexion the doctor explained how I had the hip of a 50 year old woman and if I were in fact 50 years old he would be telling me to find a new sport. My teeth dug deeper into my cheeks while I repeated DO. NOT. CRY. VINGS in my head. In conclusion of our appointment My sports doc told me to keep doing what I am doing BUT that I would need to monitor my pain and my body more closely. That if I did feel pain I would need to stop immediately. He reminded me no one else knows how or what I am feeling. We scheduled another appointment to check in in July as that is when I will begin increasing my mileage for my marathon training.
The whole walk back through the financial district I cried and wailed and ranted. This is not fair. Life is not fair. I am a runner..why am I being punished. I started to play the what if I didn't game....I wallowed in self pity and allowed my self to grieve. That night as I fell into sleep I fretted. BUT upon waking the next morning I had a new sunny disposition...I hopped out of bed and looked in the mirror and confidently said: "HEY ARTHRITIS, efffff you" I then thought I am going to use this as motivation. This arthritis ain't getting the vings down...no way! I am going to get stronger and work harder so it cannot. so it won't.
Alas, it sucks BUT I promise you I will not allow it to get me down or draw me out. I assure you I will keep doing what I am doing but better and with more motivation. I looped in my amazing coach along with an awesome specialist whom are all on board to help me run strong and with little pain as possible. I have encountered yet another obstacle and that is whether I can run the NY marathon which I qualified for and have been accepted into. This decision will be based on being pain free come July. did this obstacle bring me to tears? of course. I balled yet again with the force of a child after skinning her knee. I want to run the NY marathon so badly. I was presented with the following ultimatum: Run the New York Marathon and never run again OR don't run it and run forever! WHAT? I cried not because I may not be able to run the marathon But I cried because I HAD to make this decision.
So here we are at the end of May. I have had one day where I had to STOP running due to pain. I am DETERMINED to stay pain free. With the help of my AMAZING coach, my amazing doc, pure awesome specialists and my positive running buddies I know I can do this. I will do this. Hell I was born to do this! Hey Arthritis... Eff you and Catch me if you can!!